Redefining Friendship

All my life I've been told, "Friends Come, and Friends Go," as are most people in the world and eventually we come to accept this idea whether we like it or not.  In an effort to help my baby girl define friendship on a basic level, I found myself on an enlightened journey, rediscovering my own basis for that which defines friend.  I believe that throughout our lives we make this same journey periodically and with each passing event, we redefine our very own expectations of what the word "friend" comes to mean.

I just want to say at this point that I'm likely to step on some toes with this entry but that's okay because if I'm stepping on your toes?  Chances are - you darn well deserve it.

I don't have to list any names because you'll KNOW beyond doubt who you are once I get started.  I do intend, however, to accentuate the positive in my life and list the names in an abbreviated form of those who deserve recognition.

I've done a lot of soul searching and redefining and I've even categorized the people in my life into lists (shame on me, right?) but it was something that had to be done for my own sanity and NOW I can walk through life happy again knowing who I can call on and who's "just gone."  At age 44, I've discovered that what I've been taught my entire life is SO WRONG!  Friends do NOT come and go.  Friends remain and those who are gone - were never friends to start with.  Well, at least that's how it's worked out in my own life and after all, that is what this is about, right?!  MY Life!

I suppose I should throw in a little disclaimer to say that I have no social degree and I'm not an expert on defining what a friend should or shouldn't be, is or isn't.  This is strictly ME and MY LIFE!

BREAKING IT DOWN:

The Pretenders:  You're generally very kind and even likable, and could fall into almost any of the groups below.  In fact, you may have been in one of those groups at some point in my past but you won't ever again.  Now that I've redefined what friendship is to me, the one defining detail that sets you apart is nothing more than this - I DON'T LIKE YOU!  You're the spoiled fruit that I'm slowly plucking from my life's branches because I don't need you ruining the rest of my life.  You've TRIED to manipulate me, you've stolen from me, and you've taken advantage of my good nature - so you're out of here.  I no longer give second chances.  Gone.

Acquaintances:  You are the kindly people in my life that I know and even like, we're on good terms and we're social when we meet in public places; with a friendly greeting, "how are you?" and maybe we even share a current event defining why we're in this particular location at this particular time; and on the rare occasion, we call each other on the phone (if we have each other's number) to verify a date or time for a particular event that we'll both be attending or that our children will attend together.  That's It.  One day we may become more than just acquaintances or maybe we won't and neither of us are really over concerned about the matter.  And that's just the way it is.

Friends:  This is where it all takes a very detailed turn.  A true friend is a friend unconditionally and not just when it's convenient for them, HOWEVER, friends are often separated by priorities, distance, and even differences but friends are friends, regardless.  We've eaten dinner together in public venues on one or more occasions, our children attend each other's birthday parties and have had sleepovers in one or both of our homes.  We gladly pick each other's children up from school if the need arises. We talk on the phone just to talk - about nothing particular and sometimes about the most spectacular events in our lives.  We see each other in a public place and we go out of our way to say even just a quick hello no matter how little time we have at the moment.  We don't have to see each other or even  talk to each other for days and it's okay, we'll catch up at a later point in time when time allows. We've eaten dinner at each other's table.  We've gone to movies together.  We've run into each other in a public place and decided on the spur of the moment that we'll just hang out together.  We've made specific 'dates' to get together for no reason other than to enjoy each other's company.  And Oh So Much More ... 

Close Friends:  My close friends hold every attribute as do my "Friends" with a few differences.  You are the Silent Angels in my life.  You've called or texted when you know I'm sick to see if there's anything you can do whether it be take Miss Ma'am for a little while so I can rest, right down to offering to prepare a meal so that JD doesn't have to do it himself.  You're the ones who've bent an ear and offered a shoulder, affording me the opportunity sometimes to do no more than rant, but most importantly to cry.  You haven't always had the answers I needed.  In fact, there are more often than not - NOT any answers.  But you listen, you share opinions or thoughts, you're in my corner and always - without fail - available when needed and you have my back.  And I've done the same for you because you truly are counted as FRIEND and I love you each and every one.

Best Friends:  You're a Friend, you're a Close Friend but the one thing that sets you apart is that we've known each other for so long or we know each other so well that you can look me in the eyes or whisper in my ear on the telephone, "Stop lying and tell me what's wrong," after I just told you, "I'm doing great!" And I can  do the same with you.  I don't think this needs any further explanation.

And then there's my Mother, but can I really call her my best friend?  After all, she's my Mother and so much MORE than any friend could ever be.  She, along with my sister, has been my GREATEST source of support over the last two years.  Then there's the question of JD, the most incredible man any woman could ever even hope for.  He, too, goes so far beyond the term 'Best Friend,' I'd have to write an entirely different entry to describe it and I probably will some day.

I love all my friends dearly and thank you for being you, each and every one.

My close friends and best friends who have had my back and seen me through the last two years of my life that have been tainted with so much emotion - I could have never gotten through it without you.  So take this small token for your blogs or Facebook (or other social networking) Random Files and Know How Very Much I Love and Appreciate You - All Five of You!

LPW - friend for 23 years.
Val B - friend for 6 years.
D.E.H. from the H.O.H - friend for 4 years.
Jn.D from Are We All Crazy? - friend for 6 years.
Hope from Hope From the Edge - friend for 4 years.

No matter what keeps us apart from time to time, remember you're all in my heart, my thoughts, and my daily prayers. 

To you - I dedicate this song ...





And now that I've thanked everyone who's seen me through so that I can get back to blogging (at least part time), I can start writing the Mom Files again and hopefully be able to bring everyone up to speed on the happier side of what's been going on here on the homefront over the last two years. 

Until then, this is USS Retired signing off ...