Troubled

Yesterday, I had a doctor's appointment to hopefully get some medication to put an end to these never-ending sinus issues I've been having since the beginning of summer here in the deep south and to discuss yet another health issue that's been bothering me for several months.  What I learned during this visit was nothing I could have possibly imagined, dear friends.  I really don't have enough information right now to elaborate any further but by the end of next week, [hopefully] I should know all I need to know with regard to the entire matter and will freely share at that time.  Because of the little information I was given, my entire psyche was a hot mess last evening but it's all good now.  I have a plan and it's already set into motion.  Having done some research on my own though, the greatest part of this plan has been given to a Higher Power because it's going to take the Great Physician to get me through this one.  Well, it always does but sometimes it's just not so easy to "Let Go, and Let God."  I'm in far better spirits today but I've found myself troubled over something that happened earlier this afternoon (more on that a little ways down).

The day didn't exactly get off to the best start seeing as how I overslept. Don't y'all just hate it when you come flying out of bed, heart pounding, moving like a cheetah chasing after her run-away babies, having to think on the go because now that you're day has started behind schedule you've got to find a way to compensate and get caught up within a matter of minutes? 

~Whew~

Me Too!!

Rest of the morning and afternoon was about average for me; doing this, that and the other.  I was quite excited for Miss Ma'am today when she got home from school and informed me that she had made the cheerleading team at school again this year!  Of course, there was never a doubt in MY mind that she wouldn't make it but she was quite excited so I expressed my proud Momma moment right along with her.  Later today, she was to participate in the 1-Mile Fun Run at the School Fall Festival again this year and she was quite looking forward to that.  Since we had a couple hours before it started, I asked her to tend a simple chore for me and that's when the trouble started.  Normally, I'd regale y'all with the glorious detailed conversation but this one was a bit lengthy, so long story - short ... her 10-year-old going on 14 smart little self popped off at me with that disrespectful mouth and that whole bobble-head/neck twisting thing that must be her Daddy's DNA.

Now, y'all remember earlier when I said I've been having some serious sinus issues?  Well, they're all cleared up now, friends; 'cause my left eye started twitching and fire came out of my nose!!!!  And Miss Ma'am bought herself a one-way ticket to her room for the rest of her natural born life.

I don't suppose I have to even mention that this, naturally, turned into a huge fiasco and she threw herself one of heck of a poor-pitiful-me drama party. 

Tough Love is one of the hardest things to deal with from a mother's standpoint because it just nearly killed my heart to see her so heart-broken about not being able to participate in something she was SO looking forward to and something that we've attended together (just the two of us) every year since she started school.

It was something she said, though, in the throes of her tantrum that really has me troubled.  The very idea that my 10-year-old beautiful little baby who has the whole world at her feet used the phrase, "I'll just kill myself,"  really has my heart troubled.  Oh, don't misunderstand now, because I'm not worried in the least nor do I feel the need for any alarm.

I've tried so hard to safeguard her from so many different things in this world and to not expose her too early to some of the things that other children her age are and I can't even fathom where she heard this phrase.  After a lengthy, indepth conversation, I came to realize that she does, in fact, understand fully what it means. I'm pretty sure that's what it is that really has me so bothered - that she UNDERSTANDS what it means.  She's losing so much of her childhood innocence at such a rapid pace ... I'm just not ready for her to grow up at all, much less so quickly.

This is USS Retired signing off ...